As Lost as I Get Read online

Page 19


  “Shh. Shh, querida. We’ll make do without you if we have to.”

  The words came out before Zoe could stop them. “I think I love him and it’s too late. I’ll never see him again.” The tears started flowing once more, and Zoe gave in to them, letting Maria pull her back to her shoulder.

  ***

  Lee no longer had any sense of time. It might have been a few hours since Nuñez and his men short-chained him to the wall, or might have been as many as twelve. All of his awareness wanted to narrow in on just one thing: pain. There wasn’t a part of him that didn’t ache, sting, or burn. His shoulders and knee were the worst, pulled and stretched by the awkward position the chains forced him into. His hands, in a small, worrisome blessing, were slowly going numb from pulling against the manacles.

  His stomach had long stopped growling. When the smell of food wafted into the room now, it made him feel queasy. The worst part about the stress position he was in was that it made sleep impossible. If he dozed off, he quickly jerked awake from the increased pain as his body sagged.

  He had to get some clear-headedness back if he had any hope of evading their questions when they returned. The thought of escape was laughable now. The damage to his knee was probably worse than before.

  “Everyone breaks eventually,” one of his SERE instructors had been fond of saying. “Everyone. If the worst happens, sometimes the best you can hope for is that they get tired of waiting for you to break.” And kill you, he’d left unspoken but clear.

  His shoulders spasmed and he barely kept from yelping, sitting up to try and ease some of the tension. The stress on his leg—and knee—intensified, but his shoulders started to relax. Being comfortable was out of the question. Just trying to keep the pain to a minimum was a constant, exhausting balancing act.

  Zoe’s face came to mind, the sweet curve of her smile and the deep gray of her eyes. If he gave up, he’d never see her again, never touch her again. As soon as he cracked under their interrogation, they’d kill him. He had no doubt of that.

  No. His training was stronger than that. He brought Zoe back and focused on the sound of her laughter. God, she was so beautiful. He had to make it out of this, if only so he could tell her so again.

  The door behind him opened and he tensed. Lee heard the sound of just one pair of footsteps, slow and hesitant.

  The man who appeared next to him was older than anyone who’d come in before, squat, and with a droopy moustache streaked with gray, as was his thinning hair. He carried a bottle of water—was this the new plan to torture him? When the man opened the bottle with a crack of the seal, Lee could smell the water, and his parched body wanted to lean toward it.

  “Here, drink,” the man said in accented English. When Lee refused at first, he took a drink himself, then re-offered it.

  Forcing himself to take tiny sips was one of the hardest things Lee had ever done. As soon as the blessed moisture touched his lips, he wanted to gulp the entire bottle, expecting the man to take it away at any second and start questioning him. Trickles of water moved down his throat and he imagined that the first swallows never even made it to his belly, soaked up by his cells on the way down. Finally he made himself stop, and sat back.

  “I couldn’t risk bringing you food,” the man said. “I am sorry.” He glanced toward the door, and Lee realized just how nervous the man was.

  “Water’s good.” He hardly recognized his own voice in the raspy croak he made. “You’re not one of them.” It wasn’t a question.

  “This is my home,” the man said. The ranch owner. Lee searched his memory for the name. Gomez. Rafael Garcia Gomez.

  Lee glanced around the stone cell. “Fire your decorator.”

  Gomez didn’t even smile. “I will do what I can for you, but I am not in control here anymore.” He never was, not from the moment the AC got involved, but Lee didn’t tell him as much.

  “Thank you,” was what he did say.

  “These men, I thought they would keep my family safe,” Gomez said. Water or no water, Lee wasn’t in the mood to offer him absolution.

  When Lee didn’t respond, Gomez offered him the water bottle once more, and Lee took a few more cautious swallows.

  “I must go before I am missed,” Gomez said, and rose to his feet. Lee heard his knees pop. “I think they will come for you soon. I heard them talking.”

  “Thanks,” Lee said again, then added, “Be careful.” He wasn’t prepared to count Gomez among his assets yet, but it was a promising start.

  ***

  By mid-morning Zoe was going stir crazy. Agent Wishnevsky had wanted them to close the clinic, but Zoe, Susan, and Ana all united against the idea. In just a few hours, Maria would be left on her own, short two doctors and one nurse, and it would be days before MI could find replacements. After Maria left for the clinic, there was only so much resting and crying Zoe could do before she wanted to pull her hair out with boredom. She showered, fixed her hair—oh God was it nice to be able to actually do something with it again—and got dressed.

  The clinic was busy when she got there, and although Maria gave her a stern look, she didn’t refuse when Zoe jumped in to help. There were strangers in the lobby and lingering outside the clinic—CIA, keeping watch over them.

  Going back to her usual routine helped. Catching up on the things she’d missed when she was gone helped. Tia Yana came through surgery just fine, and was almost ready to go back home. Several patients had given birth, and there were new babies to see and coo over. The clinic had become a home to her in ways she hadn’t realized before.

  Near the end of the day, she saw a new patient, a young woman complaining of stomach pains. Jacira brought her to Zoe saying, “This is Yesenia. She asked to see you. Said you helped a friend of hers when you were on the river.”

  “Hi, Yesenia,” Zoe said in Spanish, closing the exam room door. “What’s going on today?”

  She was pale as though she were in pain. When Zoe got close enough, Yesenia reached out and grabbed Zoe’s wrist with a fierce grip. “You have to listen to me,” she said, and Zoe realized she wasn’t in pain, she was terrified.

  “I’m listening.” Zoe pulled away gently, although her heart was in her throat.

  “I’m sorry. They took my little brother. They’ll kill him if you don’t listen to me.” She let Zoe go and folded her arms in front of her, hugging herself.

  Zoe didn’t need to ask who “they” were. “Did they give you a message for me?”

  “The men said if you don’t go back, he’ll burn this place to the ground with everyone in it.” Yesenia bit her lip. “They said you’d understand. I’m sorry, that’s what they told me to tell you.”

  Thank God for years of training and experience; Zoe would never panic in an exam room or clinic setting. She was able to keep her “doctor” face on and not show anything she was feeling, not as long as Yesenia was firmly classified in her mind as a patient. “It’s all right. Did they hurt you?”

  Yesenia shook her head. “Just took Diego. The men promised to give him back if you did what they said.”

  “Did they say how I was supposed to get to them? I’m being watched right now.”

  “They said come to the river after dark but before midnight. They’ll be waiting. Otherwise, tomorrow, the bombings start. After the clinic, they said they’d go to the old woman’s house. The one with the babies.”

  La Abuelita. Zoe’s mouth was bone-dry, thinking of Hugo, Maria, all the other children. “Was there anything else?”

  “They said, ‘Tell her we have something that belongs to her, and if she comes quickly, we’ll give it back.’ Did they steal from you, Doctor?”

  Lee. Did that mean he was still alive? “Yes. They did.” Would they really let him go if she went to them? What choice did she have? If they could force this woman to walk in with her message, could they do worse? Could they
send a woman—or worse, a child—in with a bomb?

  “They’re very bad men.” Yesenia looked a little less frantic. “Will you go? My brother is only ten.”

  That wasn’t a question Zoe could answer. There were no good options. She had no proof that Lee was still alive, but if she left for the States tonight, a lot of people would die, including Lee. If she told Agent Wishnevsky, she’d still make Zoe leave, and she’d close the clinic for sure. And people would die. But going back to face those men, making herself a captive willingly . . . Was she capable of that?

  She squeezed Yesenia’s arm. “I promise, I will do what I can to make sure your brother comes home safe.” Even as she said it, she felt her options narrowing. The CIA wouldn’t go rescue one of their own men, why would they bother for some poor Colombian child?

  Yesenia threw her arms around Zoe’s neck. “Thank you, Doctor. I am sorry. I hope those men don’t hurt you.”

  Zoe hoped so too. That was about all she could do.

  Chapter Twenty

  After the clinic closed for the day, Zoe, Maria, Susan, and Ana went back to the house for an early dinner, presumably for the last time. The flight to Bogotá left at eleven thirty. The four of them were quiet as they ate.

  Ana spoke up. “I still haven’t figured out what to tell my family. They’re going to think I ran away with an American woman.”

  Susan smiled—she was the one trying to put a good face on things. “I had thought about asking, but I promise, I didn’t think about asking at gunpoint.”

  “I suppose it’s one way to come out.” Ana leaned her chin against her hand and picked glumly at Maria’s excellent cooking.

  “What about you, Zoe?” Maria said. “Does your family know you’re coming home yet?”

  Zoe swallowed the bite of pork she was chewing. “No, not yet. I thought I’d surprise them.” Ever since that afternoon, she’d been stuck trying to figure out what to do. The window of time for heading back up the river was vanishing minute by minute. Questions chased one another in circles in her head. What would happen if she went? Would they kill her outright or keep her around? Santiago wanted her, that much she knew. Would he really release Lee if she went, or would he kill him no matter what? Would he at least let her see Lee one more time? What would keep Santiago’s men from hurting Yesenia’s brother anyway, or torching the clinic?

  There were no good answers, and no guarantees.

  And if she did decide to go, she’d have to get past the CIA agents who wanted to follow her everywhere. It seemed impossible.

  “Zoe? You in there, honey?” Susan had asked her something and she’d missed it.

  “Sorry.” She forced a smile. “What’d you say?”

  “I asked if you knew what they have planned for us in D.C.”

  “It doesn’t sound good,” Zoe said. “Janet didn’t say for sure that we’d be in protective custody, but that’s what it sounds like.”

  “So, what—a safe house or something like that?” Susan looked at the other three. “That sounds kind of exciting, at least?”

  “I doubt it’s like it is in the movies.” Zoe smiled in spite of everything. “Does anything get you down, ever?”

  “Well, I don’t mind telling you, getting shot at was a pretty big bummer.” Susan kept a straight face, then all four of them started laughing. It broke the reserve that had been sitting over the table, and they wound up hugging each other.

  It occurred to Zoe that Santiago hadn’t asked for Ana. Maybe, just maybe, if she went, that would be another two names added to the safe list.

  The scales were starting to tip in an inevitable direction. She had to at least try to go back.

  Zoe realized something else. She was the only one who had actually seen Santiago with the AC. Ana hadn’t. She was the only civilian witness. Wishnevsky wouldn’t okay a rescue mission for Lee for fear of blowing the CIA’s cover. But what about a star witness? This wasn’t Oaxaca. Zoe bet she was what the CIA might call a high-value asset. Trying to force their hand—and a rescue mission—was risky, but she had no choice. She needed to let them know where she was going, but not in time to stop her.

  After dinner, Ana was going to go home and finish packing. Zoe pulled her aside. “I need a favor,” she said. “I can’t really leave, and La Abuelita doesn’t have a phone. Can you ask her to send Little Maria over here? I wanted to say good-bye.”

  Ana gave her a strange look, but nodded. “Sure.”

  Once Ana was gone, Zoe and Susan went to do their packing as well. Maria offered to help, and Susan accepted, leaving Zoe alone. She watched for the girl’s arrival, catching her before she knocked on the door. Zoe tried to tell herself that what she was asking her to do wasn’t that dangerous, just carry a message, and not deliver it until after midnight.

  Sending the message put Zoe past the point of no return, and then everything got easier. She packed a few clothes in a small knapsack, and some money. She could hear Maria and Susan laughing together in Susan’s room as she slipped out the back door. Her only hope was that the agents watching the house wouldn’t be expecting her to try and get away at this late hour.

  She only glanced back at the house once, then she was gone down a side street, heading toward the river.

  All the way there, the back of Zoe’s neck tingled as if she were being watched, waiting any second for someone—probably an American agent—to stop her and demand to know where she was going.

  No one stopped her, but at the docks, no one was waiting for her either. The boats were all empty and tied up. Could she steal one and head upriver herself? She didn’t trust her navigation skills; she’d be sure to hit a caiman or a submerged root or worse.

  “So you’re here after all,” came a voice from the shadows, and Zoe nearly leapt out of her skin.

  The light-skinned blond man who’d been leading the troops through the village was leaning against the boathouse, then came toward her. Zoe fought the urge to take off running.

  “I’m out ten thousand pesos. I bet my boss you wouldn’t show.” The way he looked at her didn’t lessen her desire to run any. It must have showed, because he smiled. “Don’t worry. I’m not gonna hurt you. I’ve got my orders.”

  Zoe tried to swallow but her mouth was bone-dry. “Are you my ride upriver, then?”

  The man stepped forward and gestured to one of the tied-up boats. “After you.”

  “Wait. You promised to release Yesenia’s brother. I want proof.” She forced herself to stand tall and look him in the eyes.

  His face darkened. “Get in the boat. You’ll get proof later. We can do this the hard way if you want.”

  The docks were dark and deserted, and she doubted she could outrun him. She climbed into the boat, holding her knapsack on her lap. As he stepped in after, he scooped it up and took it from her. “Don’t want to take the chance that you’ll pull a gun on me,” he said with an unpleasant smile. Zoe returned the smile and folded her hands demurely in her lap, wishing she’d thought to bring a weapon anyway.

  ***

  Ana arrived at the house with her bags a little before ten thirty. Susan was still trying to pack, and Zoe, they said, was napping.

  “I’ll go wake her,” Ana said. “Finish up, we’re going to be leaving soon.” She went down the hall to Zoe’s room. It was empty, and there was no luggage waiting there. “Maria.” She didn’t yell it, not yet.

  “What is it?” Maria said, then looked at the room.

  “Zoe’s gone.”

  “What do you mean, ‘gone’?”

  Ana showed her the closet still mostly full of clothes, along with the biggest pieces of Zoe’s luggage. “She’s not in the house. Did you hear her leave?”

  Maria’s eyes were huge in her face. “You don’t think those men came and took her, do you?”

  “Without you hearing? You were right here.” Ana loo
ked around the room, frowning.

  “We have to tell the men outside.” Maria paused. “Oh, Zoe, chica. I hope you didn’t.”

  “What?”

  “She talked to me this morning. Did you know about her and the American man?”

  “Will Freeman? What about him?”

  “She’s in love with him.” Maria started to say something else, then stopped. “That’s what she told me this morning. She thinks the CIA isn’t going to go after him.”

  Ana sat down on the bed heavily. “Oh no. You don’t think she’s going after him, do you? I mean, I’ve done some crazy things for love, but I don’t know if I’d do that.”

  “Wouldn’t you?” The look Maria gave her was shrewd enough that Ana felt heat creeping into her cheeks.

  “Maybe she just went out for some air.”

  “Without telling anybody?” Maria looked skeptical.

  “I don’t know,” Ana said. “We’ll have to tell the agents she’s gone.”

  It turned out they didn’t have to tell the agents anything. Agent Wishnevsky arrived a little after Ana did, and she already knew Zoe was gone. Ana sat with Susan while the agents conferred among themselves. She wanted badly to take Susan’s hand, but things had changed between them. What was supposed to be a “for now” relationship looked a lot different when they were going to be fleeing the country together.

  “Oh God, poor Zoe,” Susan said. “She was terrified of those men.” Whatever she saw on Ana’s face, she reached for Ana’s hand, and some of the tension left Ana’s shoulders. She squeezed Susan’s hand.

  “Some things are stronger than fear,” Maria said.

  “I don’t know what she was thinking,” Ana said, and that was as close to the truth as she could get right now. She overheard one of the agents with Wishnevsky suggest that maybe Zoe was already dead.