As Lost as I Get Page 5

  “Diarrhea?” she asked.

  The woman nodded. “Very bad.” Zoe had witnessed the start of a cholera outbreak in Haiti, and had never forgotten the look of combined fear and frustration on her supervisor’s face. She thought of all the children in the waiting room, and wondered how many of them had the same symptoms: nausea, severe diarrhea, but no fever. Inírida was a decent-sized town by rural Colombian standards, but it was the only town for miles, and clean water wasn’t a guarantee for most of the clinic’s patients.

  As if on cue, the little girl squirmed. “Mama . . .”

  Zoe stuck her head out of the exam room. “Ana, another basin, please.” To the mother she said, “We’ll run some tests, but more than likely it’s nothing to worry about.” She stepped out into the hallway and stopped Ana on her way in. “Start her on oral rehydration, stat. And get samples. This doesn’t look good.”

  She paused to wash her hands, going over protocols in her head. If it was cholera, it could kill within hours. The girl she’d just examined was lucky. Anyone with the same symptoms needed rehydration. They should move them all into Recovery in case some of them needed IV fluids.

  She found Jacira in Reception and pulled her aside. “How many emergency rehydration kits do we have?”

  “About a dozen.”

  Zoe grimaced. Nowhere near enough. “We’re going to need more.”

  Within three hours, the clinic was full past capacity. The first test Zoe ran was positive for Vibrio cholerae. With the second test, she was on the phone to the public health agency with the point of origin for each of her patients. By the fourth hour, they were referring patients to the local hospital, which was reaching capacity itself. Worst of all, she couldn’t get in touch with Christiane, so there were no new supplies coming. They were relying on oral rehydration formula they were making themselves. It wasn’t enough in many cases. So far they’d lost two of the children, but it might only get worse.

  After sixteen hours, Maria—who’d been scheduled for a day off but came in at some point—shoved Zoe out the door with orders to go home and get at least four hours of sleep. She was too tired to argue. It was long past dark, but she was too tired to be frightened, trudging beneath the street lamps buzzing with insects. She missed the car that drove up beside her and slowed down, until the driver spoke.

  “Doctor Rodriguez?”

  She nearly jumped out of her skin.

  “I did not mean to startle you,” Colonel Vargas said. He was on the wrong side of the road, leaning out the driver’s side of a small black sedan. “Forgive me for saying, but you look terrible.”

  She laughed in spite of herself. “It’s been a long day.”

  “Can I drop you somewhere?”

  It wasn’t far to the house, but suddenly the notion of sitting down was too appealing to resist. “Colonel Vargas, that may be the best offer I’ve had all day.” He hadn’t been the nicest person she’d ever spoken to, but he’d ended up respecting her at least. When she sat down in his car, her feet and legs started screaming with relief, and she couldn’t resist a sigh.

  “That bad?” He pulled back onto the road.

  “I’m surprised you haven’t heard,” she said. “Three blocks, and then a left. We’re dealing with a cholera epidemic in the northeast corner of town.”

  “I’d heard a little. The ENC is on alert, in case there’s a quarantine.”

  “We’re out of hydration supplies.” Zoe was overtired and the words just started spilling out. “I can’t get in touch with anyone in Bogotá to get a shipment, probably because some assholes decided to blow up our center of operations. People are going to die because I can’t get my hands on IV tubing and ringer solution.” She took a breath. “I’m sorry. It’s been a day.”

  He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel, making the left turn. “Tell me what you need. I will see if I can do something.”

  “Why?” Zoe laughed. “I’m sorry, that sounded ruder than I planned.” They were approaching her house. “It’s this one, on the right.”

  “Because I do not want my countrymen and women to die.” He glanced at her with a wry smile. “And because I like you, Doctor Zoe Rodriguez. Even though you cause trouble.”

  She grinned at him as he pulled up in front of her house. “Thank you, Colonel. I think.”

  He offered his hand, and she shook it. “Call me Santiago. I’ll call the clinic in the morning for your list.”

  “Thank you again. And it’s Zoe.”

  “Good night, Zoe.”

  She slid out of the car and managed to make it into the house. Within fifteen minutes she had fallen into her bed, not even bothering to eat, barely remembering to set her alarm.

  ***

  When Zoe walked to the clinic the next morning, the sun was barely up, and she was finishing her third cup of coffee. Jacira was in her office already, and clucked at Zoe as she put down her things.

  “You look terrible.”

  Zoe laughed and rubbed her forehead. “I really wish people would stop saying that to me. How’d things go last night? Who’s still here?”

  Jacira helped her pull on her white coat. “We didn’t lose anyone. And there’s a surprise for you in the stock room.” She shook her head. “I don’t know what strings you pulled, but God bless you, querida.”

  The stock room was full. There were stacks of rehydration kits, IV sets, boxes of ringer solution, gloves, and a shelf or two of supplies that were badly needed but had nothing to do with treating cholera patients. It took Zoe a few minutes to fully process it. “But how—”

  “I thought you’d know who sent them,” Jacira said. “It’s a miracle, however it happened.”

  “I know who, I just don’t know how.” She shook her head, leaning in the doorway. “I ran into Colonel Vargas last night—the one who wanted to arrest one of La Abuelita’s kids? I don’t know, I said too much, I was tired. I told him what was happening. He said he’d help—but I thought he’d call me today.”

  “Hmph. Maybe he’s not such a bad man after all. Or else maybe you impressed him, Doctor. Maybe he’s not used to pretty American doctors yelling at him.”

  Zoe started to argue, then shook her head. “Either way, I owe him a phone call. When did this get here?”

  “Before I got here. I didn’t have a chance to ask around yet.”

  “Inventory?”

  “My first job this morning.” Jacira gave Zoe’s arm a squeeze. “Go see your patients. I can deal with this. It’s a good problem to have on a day like today.”

  The recovery room wasn’t as full as it had been the night before. Several of their patients had stabilized enough to go home. Susan was talking to a young mother sharing a recovery bed with a toddler. Both had IVs in their arms, and the toddler was curled up, asleep. The mother was still hollow-eyed with dehydration, but alert enough to follow Susan’s rudimentary Spanish.

  “When you go home, we will give you some pills—no, not pills”—Susan struggled for the right Spanish word—“tablets, for your water, so you don’t get sick again.”

  Zoe mentally raised an eyebrow. Water purification tablets? They’d been out of those for months, unable to get them for love or money. When Susan finished up with the patient, Zoe caught up to her.

  “Good mornin’, Lady Bountiful.” Susan gave her a grin while writing up her charts.

  “Where did we get water purification tablets?”

  “Same place we got everything else. Honey, what did you do to that man?” She gave Zoe an arch look. “Please tell me it wasn’t anything that’s gonna make the papers.”

  “Susan!” Zoe glanced around to make sure there were no patients in earshot.

  “Well, I’m just sayin’, if you’re going to take one for the team, at least the Colonel’s handsome.”

  “Oh my God, I did not ‘take one for the
team.’” Zoe’s face was getting hot. “How did you know it was him? Jacira didn’t.”

  “I knew something Jacira didn’t know? I’m writing this in my diary.” Susan finished her chart and filed it away. “’Bout four AM, someone started banging on the clinic front door. I don’t mind telling you, I about shit myself, especially when I saw it was a bunch of soldiers. Ana went out to talk to them and I thought they were gonna shoot her or something. But no, they said they were from Vargas and they had some supplies for us.” She shook her head. “That was it. So what did you do?”

  “Nothing,” Zoe said. “I ran into him last night and told him what was happening. He decided to help.” She shrugged. “He said he didn’t want any more of his countrymen to die.”

  “Someone’s got a crush.” Susan nudged her. “You watch. I’ll bet he was trying to impress you.”

  “Well. He did.”

  When Zoe tried to call him later to thank him, she was only able to leave a message, so she left an effusive one. Whether or not Susan was right, having someone like him on their side could only be a good thing—especially if he had access to hard-to-find medical supplies.

  Chapter Four

  Even with the extra supplies, the following days were grueling. Zoe went home exhausted, not sure she could manage for another day.

  Everyone on staff was feeling the stress and dealt with it in their own ways. Susan, who previously had smoked one or two cigarettes a day, had to be going through a pack each day. Maria was taking part in some epic drinking contests with some of the locals, and Zoe was pretty sure there were some furtive off-hours hook-ups happening between staff members.

  Zoe understood the impulse. After a day of life and death—and lately, more death than life—sex made you feel alive and whole. She wished she wasn’t thinking about Lee quite so much. She couldn’t stop remembering his smile, or way his touch, so comforting in Oaxaca, left her discombobulated and tingling.

  Some nights she came home exhausted and wishing for nothing more than the touch of another human hand. On those nights, thinking of him was the only way she could get to sleep. Lying in her narrow bed, she’d silently touch herself, thinking of his mouth on hers, wondering how it would feel to press against his body, thinking about having him inside her until she made herself come with her fingers twice, three times.

  It got so bad that she started having embarrassingly detailed, erotic dreams about him. After one night of especially vivid dreams, she resolved to find a one-night stand. Something with no strings. How exactly she’d go about it, she wasn’t sure.

  As she sat at the kitchen table, drinking her coffee, she heard Susan talking in her bedroom. The door opened and out came Susan in her usual state of morning dishabille. Behind her, fully dressed, was Ana.

  “Mornin’,” Susan said, and Ana waved. Before Zoe could say anything, Susan and Ana kissed and murmured good-byes, then Susan came to the breakfast table alone, stopping to grab her own coffee.

  “Wow. Good morning.” Zoe tried to hide her smile.

  “Yes, yes it is.” Susan didn’t spare the grin, and stretched like a cat. “You’re surprised.”

  “Maybe a little.”

  “Oh, honey, please. We have lesbians in Texas.”

  Zoe nearly choked on her coffee. “And clearly they’re bigger there too, just like everything else.”

  “You really didn’t know?”

  “No idea.” Zoe shook her head with a grin. “Is that serious, or shouldn’t I ask?”

  Susan waved her hand and gulped some coffee. “It’s for fun. We both know it.” She fixed Zoe with a look. “And if you ask me, you could use some more fun in your life too, boss.”

  “I know, I know.” Zoe stared glumly at the table. “I’m not exactly having much luck meeting people that aren’t, you know, too complicated to deal with.”

  “You come with me tonight, we’ll find you someone. Guy, girl, whatever. If you go home alone, it won’t be my fault.”

  “You’re absolutely terrifying.”

  “Maybe,” Susan said, “but you know I’m right.”

  That was how Zoe wound up in one of Inírida’s few bars. The clientele was largely foreign, aside from a few locals in military uniform. Zoe had let Susan dress her, which might have been a mistake. She wound up wearing a snug-fitting black tank top that she normally wore under other shirts, and the best pair of jeans she’d brought with her. Makeup, though, Zoe drew the line at. She did her own, with the little she’d packed. She was lucky the rain hadn’t washed it off, anyway. Her hair she’d taken to wearing in twists against the humidity, and so she just pulled the strands back and pinned them loosely at the nape of her neck. At Susan’s insistence, she wore a pair of strappy sandals she’d worn to a consulate dinner in Bogotá—she’d never expected to wear them out here. As they were getting ready to go, Susan handed her a strip of condoms. Zoe had blushed but tucked them in her purse.

  She had to admit, she felt attractive, but it still took two drinks before she could actually look at the men around her to see if anyone caught her eye. It had been years since she’d had a one-night stand, and she’d never gone out intentionally seeking one. She had no idea what to look for.

  Susan pulled her onto the dance floor, and between Susan’s tall, redheaded appeal and her own skimpy clothes (well, they felt skimpy anyway), they were soon the object of a lot of attention. One of the uniformed men asked for a dance and Zoe took his hand, waiting to see if there was any sort of spark.

  The music changed, slow and sultry, and she let the soldier pull her into his arms and lead the dance.

  “You are beautiful,” he said, in heavily accented English. “American, I think.”

  Out of habit, she answered in Spanish. “American, yes.” She smiled up at him, trying to remember how to flirt. “And you’re very kind.”

  “And a good accent for an American.”

  She kept smiling, not bothering to tell him she’d grown up speaking as much Spanish as English.

  The rhythm of the music was like slow, decadent sex, and he led her around the dance floor with just a bit of pressure to her back and the occasional press of his hips. “What should I call you? My name is Miguel.”

  “Zoe.” She kept his gaze until she felt a little uncomfortable, then rested her head against his shoulder. His smile was warm and he was absolutely gorgeous, but dancing with him was like sharing a cage with a hungry lion. Rather than putting her at ease, his smile unsettled her. It didn’t reach his eyes at all. Everything about him suggested he’d be a good time for just one night, but for that prickle at the back of her neck.

  When the song ended, she thanked him and tried to duck away before he could ask her anything else.

  He caught her by the arm, not enough to hurt, but more than enough to stop her. “Zoe, let me buy you a drink.”

  “No, thank you. I need to go. I came here with my friends . . .” Where the hell was Susan?

  “Please.” Once again, his warm smile went nowhere near his eyes.

  “I can’t.” She gave him a smile of her own, her heart pounding in her chest, and wrenched her arm, pulling it free. She turned for the bar in too much of a hurry to watch where she was going, and ran into a solid chest.

  “I was just coming to ask you for a dance.” Lee smiled down at her and for a single terrified moment Zoe thought she was having a hallucination, because how else could he be here, tonight of all nights?

  “What—” He had to be real, because she would never have imagined him in an open-throated shirt and jeans, no matter how good they looked on him. “What are you doing here?”

  “I just said. Asking you to dance.” He took a second look at her. “Are you all right?”

  “Oh. Yeah. I’m fine. Just, you know, had an overenthusiastic partner.”

  He frowned, scanning the crowd as if looking for a threat, but offered h
er his hand. She took it without thinking, and there was the spark she’d been looking for earlier, shooting up her arm and down her spine. When he took her in his arms, she didn’t really care where he’d come from, just that he was here.

  “I haven’t run into you here before,” he said. “What brings you out on a rainy night?”

  The way he moved with her was so self-assured, so smooth, she didn’t have to think about where to put her feet. Tension seeped from her shoulders. “It’s been a rough couple of days. Susan decided I needed a night out.”

  “The epidemic, I heard. How bad is it?” Concern was clear on his face—for her, or for her patients?

  “I think we’re past the worst of it, thanks.”

  “Sorry, you probably came here to get away from that.” He pulled her close and they moved together with ease, the pulsing beat carrying them along. Zoe felt as if she were floating, being carried away on a current she didn’t control.

  “I’m glad you came out tonight.” Lee leaned down to murmur in her ear. “I’ve been hoping to see you again.”

  She shivered and his arms tightened. There was music still playing, but she could barely hear it. This, right here and now, wasn’t about transference or anything emotional. This was about needing another human body to get lost in for a few hours, or a night. She pulled him down so she could whisper in return, “After this dance, want to get out of here?”

  ***

  Once they were away from the noise and heat of the bar, a little bit of diffidence returned. They paused under the awning, surrounded by the faint roar of pouring rain.

  “So . . . where to?” Lee hadn’t let go of her hand since they left the dance floor, and she gave him a squeeze.