As Lost as I Get Read online

  “I have housemates, if that matters.” A part of Zoe’s mind was demanding to know if she was really going to do this—the rest of her mind was answering with an overwhelming yes.

  “My hotel, then?”

  She nodded.

  They darted through the rain, laughing, then settled side by side in a moto taxi, stealing glances at each other like a pair of teenagers. By the time they were in the elevator of his hotel, Zoe couldn’t breathe for the thick tension between them. She was acutely aware of his presence; every move he made felt like it was brushing up against her skin, even when he wasn’t touching her. When he opened the door to his room, all she could hear was her heart pounding in her ears.

  When he’d shut and locked the door behind them, he turned to her. “Zoe—”

  She put a finger to his lips and shook her head, so instead he kissed her finger. The tip of his tongue barely flickered against her skin, but it was enough to send a jolt through her body, to make her gasp. Before she could think further, she curled the fingers of her other hand around the back of his neck and pulled him down. His mouth on hers made sharp want surge through her, so sharp it was almost painful. He felt it too, he had to—he nearly lifted her off the ground from holding her so tight. She whimpered and opened her mouth to him, begging him to come inside. They hadn’t kissed on the dance floor, and this was why. If they’d started, it wouldn’t have ended until they were both naked and spent. Everything they’d been through had led to this; it seemed inevitable.

  Lee’s fingers brushed over her hair while his other hand stroked up and down her back, dipping lower with each pass. One of Zoe’s hands rested at his waist, but that wasn’t enough. She pulled at his shirt, tugging the end out of his jeans and slipping her fingers beneath. His skin was warm and smooth, the muscles firm and tense. He groaned into her mouth and his hands slid down together to cup her ass, pulling her tight against his body, grinding his hips against her. She fought the urge to pull herself up and wrap her legs around his waist, needing to feel him even closer, wanting to feel that hardness teasing between her legs.

  He picked her up anyway, and laid her down on the bed. Rather than following after, he drew away and picked up one of her feet. His fingertips were featherlight as they traced over the straps of her sandals, unfastening them and pulling the shoe away. She moaned as his thumbs pressed into her instep. There was no way that should feel so arousing, but it made her want to writhe and squirm as he massaged away the tension. He repeated the process with her other shoe, and by the time he was finished, she was writhing against the bedspread. When he let go of her foot, she rolled onto her knees and knelt facing him. The bed had a high platform, and kneeling on it she was closer to his height than she was standing. They kissed again, sharper this time, more desperate. Zoe untucked his shirt entirely and couldn’t stop stroking her hands up and down the warm skin of his back and sides. The tips of his fingers slipped beneath the waistband of her jeans in the small of her back. Just the feel of his fingertips, barely against her skin, curling above her buttocks, was enough to make her moan with need. They were still fully clothed, and she already felt as if she’d die if he didn’t take her right then.

  His mouth left hers to trail down her neck, hot and wet. He lapped at her pulse and curled one of his hands up her side, resting on her ribcage just beneath her breast, his thumb barely brushing the bottom curve. She sighed, and his thumb slipped higher, hand slowly dragging upward until he was cupping her breast. Her nipples were tight and tingling, more than ready for this touch, but he avoided them, apparently content just to feel the weight of her breast in his palm. He licked and nipped down her neck, paying special attention to the dip of her collarbone. Just as his thumb made one bold swipe over the hard, sensitive peak of her nipple, he moved his other hand to the straps of her tank top and bra, pushing both down her shoulder, his mouth following after.

  For her part, all Zoe could do was hang on to him, her body heavy and heated with desire. “Please.”

  He drew away from her, big warm hands stroking her upper arms. The way he looked at her made her forget to breathe, the hunger in his eyes urging her to spread out for him and let him take his fill. “Take off your shirt,” he said hoarsely. Before she could, he stepped back and stripped off his own, revealing the smooth planes of skin and muscle. She wanted to tease him, inching her shirt slowly upward, pausing just before she uncovered her bra, smiling at him.

  “I’ll do it for you, if you want,” he growled. The sudden image of him tearing away the shirt was tempting, but then what would she wear home? She pulled the tank top up and off. It hadn’t hit the floor before his arms were around her again, pressing them skin to skin but for the scrap of black silk covering her breasts. He trailed his fingers over the edges of her bra, as if he were savoring the texture, or trying to find a way in. This time his kisses dipped lower, covering the tops of her breasts while his hands cupped them, held them up for his mouth.

  Zoe couldn’t stop the sounds she was making, and when his tongue finally flickered over one silk-covered peak, she wanted to scream in equal parts pleasure and frustration. He teased her with his lips and teeth through the silk even as he reached back and undid the clasp. He pulled away the bra as he lowered her to the bed, and this time he followed.

  He kissed her mouth before returning to her breasts. “Zoe, ah, God,” he murmured against her skin. “So beautiful.” He reached up blindly to touch her face, and she caught his hand in hers, bringing it to her mouth so she could lick and suck at his index finger. He grunted, then nipped at her breast a little harder than before, sending a combined jolt of pleasure and pain through her.

  “Too much,” she said. He pulled his hand from her mouth and raised up to kiss her, their mouths slanting open and eager against each other while he stroked her hips, thumbs running over the crease of her thigh, so close to where she needed him, but not close enough. She was already hot and wet for him, and the swell of her lips inside her jeans was driving her mad. “Yes,” she gasped. “Lee, please. Please, yes.” His thumb stroked up the center of her and she arched into it greedily, parting her thighs.

  “I can feel how hot you are.” He sounded awed. Then he tugged open her jeans and started to push them down without his mouth leaving hers. She lifted her hips and tried to help, then gave up and pushed him away so she could take them off herself, panties and all. His gaze roamed over her naked body as he knelt above her. She could see the shape of his erection through his jeans, a shape that he palmed before unfastening his own jeans. It took him longer than it did her, as he stopped to kick off his shoes and socks.

  Both naked now, they stared at one another. “Zoe, oh my God.” He sounded the way she felt; she didn’t dare glance at his face to confirm it. His body was all fair skin and tan lines, powerfully muscled and sleek, even better than she’d imagined during long nights of fantasy.

  She focused on the physical. All she needed was the beautiful body in front of her; anything else she might be feeling was clouded and untrustworthy. “Come here,” she murmured, tilting to her side and holding out her hand. He came to her then, and when he started to kiss her once more, she grew bold. She took his hand in hers and slid it down her belly until his fingers rested against the swell of her mons. “Please,” she said, and he moaned, his fingers sliding against the dampness of her pubic hair. He nestled against her shoulder and pressed kisses to her neck while his fingers dragged over her, slow and exploratory. She spread her legs, feeling open and exposed, wanting him—needing him—to go faster. The tip of one finger dipped and swirled over her folds and she clung to him, arching toward his hand, wordlessly begging for more.

  He gave it to her, teasing his way to her clitoris with two fingers, stroking and rubbing every part of her until he figured out the best way to set her body on fire. His cock was trapped against her hip, and she wanted to feel it in her hand. She reached for him and his fingers faltered, then st
roked faster. When he started slipping his fingers in and out of her, she rocked her hips with the rhythm, so far gone she barely knew where she was. Finally she gasped and stopped moving. “Wait. I want to come with you inside me. Please.” His cock twitched hard in her hand as if making the affirmative answer. “My purse,” she said. “In there.”

  He laughed against her ear, a low, wicked chuckle. “You had plans for tonight, did you?”

  “Nothing this good,” she gasped. “Oh God, please.” She was so close her clit was throbbing with need, her cunt spread open and waiting for him to fill her up. He pulled the strip of condoms from her purse, tearing one off and tossing the other two onto the nightstand. She watched as he rolled it on, stroking himself once or twice. Imagining watching him do just that until he came made her feel faint. He knelt on the bed between her knees, slipping two fingers easily back inside her, twisting and curling until she saw stars.

  “Come up here,” he said, and settled against the headboard. Zoe turned over and crawled after him, straddling his knees, then his hips. He pulled her in to devour her mouth and she lowered onto his lap, giving a small whimper when the head of his cock breached her. He thrust up, and she met him halfway. Slowly, they started so slowly, and she opened her eyes to find him staring at her, his lips parted. She let her head fall back, giving in to the exquisite motion inside her, each thrust a teasing brush against her clit.

  “Look at me,” he begged softly. “Show me.”

  She was so close, she had to fight to keep her eyes open, fixed on his. The intimacy was almost more than she could bear.

  The orgasm that ripped through her seemed to last forever. She thought she heard her name, thought she spoke his, sparks and jolts flying through her body until she went limp against his shoulder, her hips still moving, still riding him through the last bright flares of pleasure. She didn’t trust herself to speak, but buried her face against his neck and let him hold her while they rolled and arched against each other, the rhythm changing to a tender motion. He cupped her face and they kissed, soft and sweet and overwhelming. She couldn’t look at him, couldn’t open her eyes. This wasn’t sex anymore; they were making love and she had never felt so exposed in her life.

  This was the man who’d saved her, who’d fought for her and then cradled her to keep her safe. None of her childish daydreams had prepared her for this. Her eyes stung with unwanted tears and she kept fighting to keep them closed, not wanting him to see.

  The second orgasm caught her by surprise, rolling through her while he murmured against her skin how beautiful she was, how strong. Zoe fought to keep her emotions in check even while her body gave in.

  She undulated her hips against him, focusing on stroking him inside her body, wanting more than anything to make him lose control before he could tear down all of her defenses utterly. He came with a choked cry, and she kissed him hard to keep him from talking. To hear him say her name right then was more than she could stand.

  He lifted her and managed to carry them both forward until she was on her back and he was lying on her. He was still hard enough to be inside her, and he made teasing little thrusts, raining soft kisses on her face. Gradually they stilled, and she rolled until they lay facing each other. She kept her face buried against his chest, trying to regain her composure.

  “God, you’re amazing,” he murmured, stroking her hair back to kiss her forehead. “I mean, I had thought about it, but I never expected . . . That was . . .”

  Her heart battered at her ribcage. He wasn’t supposed to feel anything for her. He’d thought about this? She leaned up and kissed him, trying to think of what to say that wouldn’t make her a fool. Focus on the sex, not on the look in his eyes when he came. Get him to focus on the sex. She made a low, throaty groan, stretching and turning it into an undulation against him. “That was so, so good. I hope it lived up to your fantasy.”

  He chuckled. “You sound like you want more.”

  “Who wouldn’t want more of that?” She risked a playful look at him, running a finger down his chest. “I wish I could stay here and”—she said the next word deliberately and slowly—“fuck you all night.”

  “Jesus Christ.” He shivered against her. “You can. In fact, I think you should.”

  She pouted up at him. “I can’t. I have to be at the clinic early in the morning.” It wasn’t a lie. The epidemic was slowing, but they were still overwhelmed.

  “You can stay just a little while longer, can’t you?” His smile was wicked as he tilted his head toward the nightstand. “You’ve got at least two more chances.”

  She shook her head and kissed him again thoroughly, this time for good-bye. “The epidemic.” She gave him what she hoped was a rueful smile. “I should try to get at least some sleep, and I won’t do that if I’ve got you in my bed.” She pulled away and started looking for her clothes. “Your number’s on your IFI card, right? I’ll call you.”

  Chapter Five

  The next morning, Susan came out of her room and blinked sleepily at Zoe. “What’re you doing here, girl? That pretty friend of yours from last night wasn’t worth staying over for?”

  “Oh, no. It was fine. I needed to get back to the clinic early this morning.” Fine. It had been possibly the hottest sex she’d ever had and all she’d been able to think about while she lay wide-eyed and sleepless in her own bed. So much for reducing stress with a one-night stand.

  “You okay?” Susan dropped into her usual chair, leaning in to look at her. “What time did you get in?”

  “It wasn’t too late. One thirty?”

  “You two didn’t waste any time after you left. I don’t blame you, he’s a hottie.”

  “I thought you didn’t like men.” Zoe stood to get more coffee and poured one for Susan.

  “Honey, I love men.” She grinned and laid on the Texas twang extra thick. “Just because I ain’t ever gonna drive a Mercedes don’t mean I won’t watch one go past.” She took the mug from Zoe and smirked. “And that one looks like he handles like a dream.”

  “Oh God.” Zoe covered her heating face with her hands. “Enough with the car metaphor. I get it.”

  “You telling me the truth though? Things are okay?”

  “Yeah. I just—I don’t think I should see him again, is all.” Another understatement.

  “Well darlin’, that is the point of a one-night stand . . . but it might’ve been smarter to pick somebody you didn’t already know.”

  Boy, was that ever the truth. “I should go get ready.” Zoe pushed back from the table. She’d showered when she’d got home last night, but she wanted another one. Anything to see if she could wipe away the memory of Lee’s touch from her skin and reclaim her own thoughts.

  It was no good. The rare free moments she had that day, her thoughts went to him, to the way he’d looked at her, the way he’d touched her. She’d promised to call him, but she hadn’t the faintest idea what she would say.

  So in the end, she decided she was too busy to call.

  ***

  When Lee woke up that morning, he imagined he could still smell Zoe’s scent on the sheets, in the air, on his skin. If not for the two unused condoms on the nightstand, he’d wonder if it had all been a dream. He’d never forgotten the first time he’d held her in his arms, cradling her as they rode a helicopter out of Oaxaca. The surge of tenderness and protectiveness he’d felt from the very first time he’d seen her still startled him.

  It had all culminated in finding her last night. He couldn’t say he’d never imagined having her in his bed, but his imagination had fallen so far short of the reality of it. She’d been so hot for him, almost more ready than he was. His only regret was not taking the time to savor every inch of her body, tasting her and stroking her and bringing her to more than just the two orgasms. He wanted her now more than ever.

  It wasn’t just the sex, although thinking about it still
stole his breath and made his cock twitch with interest. There was more there. He felt it, and he’d swear he saw it in her eyes. Just as he’d been ready to pull her close and murmur in her ear, she’d nearly broken him with a sex kitten act—telling him how much she still wanted to fuck him. But then she’d left.

  Whatever name he wanted to put to his feelings, after that, he had to assume she didn’t share them, no matter what he thought he’d seen. If he were smart, he’d let it go. Just let last night be a beautiful, treasured memory. Even as he thought it, he knew if she wanted him again there was no way he could refuse.

  He was setting himself up for a major heartbreak, but he’d known that was possible from the very start. He should have kept her firmly fixed in his mind as a mission objective, nothing more.

  Instead of rolling over and burying his face in his sheets, hoping for one last breath of that elusive scent, he scrubbed at his face with his hands and rolled out of bed. At noon he was meeting Timo, who had more information for him. Based on his note, he’d found something about the Colombian government’s awareness of increased activity by anti-government groups in the area. Lee had just enough time to shower and get to the meeting early, in plenty of time to scope out the area.

  One of the good things about Inírida was that he didn’t have to pretend to be a tourist to blend in. Tourism to the Rio Inírida was growing, but the remoteness of the town still gave it a vaguely clandestine air; foreigners often went unremarked, with the assumption that as long as everyone minded their own business, nobody would get shot.

  Lee’s cover story was just seedy enough to be unremarkable. If anyone checked, they’d find that his hotel room was paid for with a corporate credit card. IFI was a real company, all right, an enormous conglomerate with employees all over the world, which made them an excellent cover for any number of CIA agents. As a bonus for Lee, wherever there were natural resources left to be exploited, IFI was there—making remote Colombia a natural fit. He’d met Timo under the guise of looking for a quick and dirty contact with the local government.